Vivian Nuñez
Writer, Mental Health Advocate & Founder of Too Damn Young
“Being honest about how hard [sheltering in place] has been will be really important because everyone is experiencing it so differently. You have to be aware and figure out what versions of yourself you want to bring back outside, after taking into account what is important or not important to you. ”
What are some shelter at home coping strategies and how do we prepare ourselves mentally as places begin to open again?
I think coping starts with being super aware and honest of where you are starting from. Are you starting with excitement and being ok or are you starting from a point of anxiety? What does that [starting point for you] look like? The more you can be honest about it, the easier it will be to figure out the best plan for you.
Opening up is a general thing that we are doing by city, state and nationwide. We must look at what that’s like on an individual level and remember that all of these big states are made up of people coping in different ways. It’s about figuring out what's going to work for you. For example, maybe it’s having a therapist in place helping you to reintegrate after having been inside for so long or maybe you don’t have to re-enter in a big way if you’re not ready. If you don't feel comfortable going to work, make a plan to continue to work remotely and figure it out with your manager. Figuring out your own fear and pain points and [identifying] where you're starting from will [allow you] to create a plan that's cohesive to what you need to tend to.
[Remember], we brought all versions of ourselves into one single address, one home. Now we have to bring [those versions of ourselves] out again to so many different spaces but we don't feel safe. Know that it’s normal to feel scared.
Friendships are our salvation, but why do they feel so hard to maintain virtually? And how do we re-establish them post shelter at home?
We are prone for human contact and we take so many cues from other people - the highs and lows of their voice, how they look at you, and more. A lot of those body cues aren't there, making it hard on friends to have a [deeper] level of connection. We depend so much on human contact, so by nature it's hard to hold up relationships virtually. Not everyone is in the same place they were when this first started. There are so many different factors in our lives pulling us in different directions and making it hard to hold up those friendships virtually. Maybe you’ve had to learn to cook for yourself, or maybe you’re working longer hours. The narrative we’ve been told is that you have all this time but the reality isn’t that. As you start believing that narrative, you start believing you're failing but you're not measuring yourself up to a realistic ruler. Being honest about how hard [sheltering in place] has been will be really important because everyone is experiencing it so differently. You have to be aware and figure out what versions of yourself you want to bring back outside, after taking into account what is important or not important to you. That'll determine which friendships you reinvest in.
How can we use social media now to foster more authentic relationships?
If you're one of those people who thrives in social media, there are so many different pockets on how to stay connected. You can expand your circles and find people who have like-minded preferences based on who you're becoming at this time. [The pandemic] will probably change people for different reasons, whether it’s because they've lost someone or their status at work or something else. The question at the end of the day will be ‘How do I make sure I am finding people that I relate to and that relate to me?’.
What have you learned about mental health through this pandemic that you didn’t know before, and how can you use this as we re-emerge into society?
We’ve had to exist during this limited amount of time, following different variables while not being safe outside. The challenge for us is how to feel safe within ourselves and exude out what that safety needs to look like. I’ve really leaned on this and on figuring out how to make sure I redefine what safety means and looks like for me. For example, this has meant decorating my apartment - I just moved in - and getting a puppy.
How do you see the pandemic transforming young people?
I think it'll create a sense of empathy, not just with young people but with everyone. [The pandemic] hasn't affected everyone in the same way. There are people who are disproportionately more affected than others. There will be a lot of different transitions, but young people will hopefully find their way in a different space.
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This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
